“If you’re going to succeed in this industry, you’d have to put up with a lot of bullshit.”
A senior colleague told me this in my early designer days. And I clenched onto it. This person ticked all the boxes of what constitutes a successful designer, so their advice had to be the holy grail, right?
As it turned out, this friendly advice set me off on the wrong foot.
Several months later, I found myself at a new company with a new boss.
Let's call him Chris.
One week into the job, I could already tell something was off about the way Chris treated his employees. But at this point, that early career advice was already living rent-free in my head.
So...I put up with his bullshit.
In fact, I put up with so much bullshit, I could give a sewage dump a run for its money.
Chris would scrimp on praise but hand out criticisms like promotional flyers. On top of that, he had emotions as volatile as hydrogen. Even the tiniest spark was enough to trigger a full-blown explosion—the voice-raising, hands-shaking, body-trembling sort of explosion.
Nothing seemed to please Chris.
And me? I was willing to cross seven rivers just to get into his good books. I thought maybe, just maybe, if I exceeded his expectations he would see my value. I had to "earn" my salary, you know.
No prizes for guessing that all my efforts fell flat.
Soon enough, my motivation tank started going into reserve. I wanted out. But, everywhere I looked, people seemed to have stories of horrible bosses they put up with and how it helped them grow.
So I stayed.
Not because I was coping. But because I didn't want to be seen as a quitter. I feared that an employment gap in my resume would make me a less desirable candidate. I feared that recruiters would see a short employment span as a red flag. Fear, fear, fear!
Six months in, and with no new job lined up, I was at my wit's end. Around that time, I stumbled upon a book, The Happiness Advantage. This book made me see my workplace for what it was: plain toxic.
I began to see how my work environment was affecting not just my productivity but my happiness.
Knowing my happiness was at stake, I had to do the needful.
Sitting in front of my computer to draft my resignation letter, I remember thinking, “I’m so gonna regret this”. Cash was tight. So being in a shitty job had to be better than being unemployed.
Not exactly.
From the moment I quit, it felt like I had dropped a 50-pound backpack I had been carrying. I no longer had to sit through meetings with my heart thumping out of my chest. I no longer had to bite my tongue so hard until it bled. I was free!
Why people put up with undesirable work situations
We seem to glorify long-suffering in the workplace.
Perseverance is seen as a highly desirable virtue in employees. But quitting? Well, that's what only weaklings do. And no one wants to hire a weakling. So, people are forced to put up with less-than-desirable work situations just to garner long employment spans.
However, we are missing something: persevering in difficult situations is not a sign of dedication. More often than not, it is fear-driven.
In my case—like most other cases—the fear was from a scarcity mindset. I held on tightly to what I had because I couldn't see the abundance of opportunities around me.
But once I dropped the burden I had been carrying, the opportunities came flying in. Not surprising though. How could anything new have entered my hands when they were brimming with faulty baggage?
When we tell people to 'suck it up,' we're reinforcing their scarcity mindset. We're basically saying, "Look, there isn't enough to go around. Better hold on to what you've got!"
And that couldn't be any farther away from the truth. The universe has enormous opportunities for anyone hungry enough to grab it.
So, let's normalize telling people to quit.
Thanks for sharing this! I can relate with a similar experience a couple of decades ago. The person then asked "what job are you going to?" I just said "nothing at the moment" Felt so good to resign.